Love has been on my mind lately. I’m realizing that my idea of love and other people’s idea of love may be two different things. Everyone has their own definition of love that they are currently operating under.
I didn’t know how to feel about love for a very long time. I thought I knew what it was but after a while I started to realize that maybe I didn’t. Maybe these weird hormones and feelings were just associated with love but weren’t actually love. After all, isn’t love something you practice rather than just have happen to you? Do you consciously have to decide to love? Is it an action or a feeling? Is it both? Those are the questions I was trying to answer.
The most powerful book I have read on the subject is called The Mastery of Love by Miguel Ruiz, the same author of The Four Agreements.
In the book he discusses:
“Humans hunt for love. We feel that we need that love because we believe we don’t have love, because we don’t love ourselves. We hunt for love in other humans just like us, expecting to get love from them when these humans are in the same condition as we are. They don’t love themselves either, so how much love can we get from them? We merely create a bigger need that isn’t real; we keep hunting and hunting, but in the wrong place, because other humans don’t have the love we need.
The love we need to hunt is inside ourselves, but that love is difficult prey. It is so difficult to hunt inside yourself, to get that love from inside you. You have to be very fast, as fast as Hermes, because anything can distract you from your goal. Whatever traps your attention distracts you from reaching your goal, from getting the prey that is the love inside. If you can capture the prey, you will see that your love can grow strong inside you, and it can fulfill all your needs. This is so important for your happiness.”
After discovering these words, a lot made sense to me. I’m sure you’ve heard it before but in order to love others you have to first love yourself. I never fully fully understood this. Allowing yourself to love yourself unconditionally is so important.
In the past, I’d pursue relationships and pursue (hunt) people who I thought would provide me with the love that I sought. After taking a step back, you realize two things:
1. Love yourself
2. Only create romantic relationships with other people who love themselves
That does not mean to not love everyone, in my experience it’s a better feeling to just go ahead and love everyone. But to get to that next level, the person you love needs to understand love the same way you do.
Love yourself, love others. 🙂